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"And that's your idea of being sensitive," she stated flatly. "To tell Maria her baby is somehow past its expiration date, and to sit there in a French movie and speculate on how long it has been since the lead actress has had a bath."

I thought about this. "Well, maybe you've got a point."

"Breakthrough!" she exulted. "So are you saying you want to be more sensitive? You want to be more in touch with your feelings?" Her voice softened. "Hey Bruce, are you really saying you want to be a Changed Man? Because if you are, I'm your friend, I can help."

This made me pause. Sarah was touching on something deep and personal here, inviting me to open up about my feelings of loneliness and frustration, offering me an intimate confidence that men rarely experience. I cleared my throat. "How do you think the Broncos are going to do this year?"

"What? Why would you ask something like that?"

"Well, because of the quarterback situation, duh," I responded logically.

"I thought we were talking about making profound changes in the way you do things, to be less self-centered and more considerate," she countered.

“Wouldn't it be easier just to give me a list of women who would like ‘to love’ me?”

"You know why you won't change? Because you don't have to. A man can behave any way he wants, and women are expected to accommodate it."

"Sounds like one of those if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it situations," I agreed.

"It all started when women decided to let men be the hunters," she fumed. "Men went out to look for something to throw a spear at, and when they couldn't find anything, they started throwing spears at each other. Then it was about who had the biggest spear, then later, the biggest gun, the biggest missiles...of course, we both know what we're really talking about, here."

"In high school I was called Bruce ‘The Cannon’ Cameron. Just saying," I interjected.

"If you really remodeled yourself, and wrote about it, women everywhere would thank you."

"I'll pass, thanks anyway."

"Most women feel like they have to use psychological tricks to get a man to change," my friend continued. "But that wouldn't work with you. You're incapable of change."

"Not incapable, just not motivated," I corrected, feeling a little insulted.

"No, it would be too difficult. Impossible," she insisted.

"Actually, no, that's not the issue. I could do it if I wanted."

"No, you can't."

"Yes I can!"

"You're afraid," she sniffed.

"What? That's ridiculous." Now I was mad.

"Then prove it."

"Fine!"

Feeling under siege from everyone--my sister, Sarah, even Mrs. Bunting--I decided to give this Changed Man thing a try, if only to prove that I wasn't afraid, which I think we can all agree is a really ridiculous idea. Your man, however, may not be as open-minded as I am. To break down his resistance to change, you may have to employ the sneaky psychological tricks to which Sarah was referring.

Obviously, I'm not perfect. I started with (a lot fewer than 178) faults. But I have changed, and I honestly feel that I am a better man for it. What you'll learn from my story is that often changing a man is a matter of using certain techniques to make him feel that it is all his idea. Ask him point-blank to alter his behavior, and he'll turn you down. Apply a more subtle strategy, and you, too, can remodel your man.

Let's get started!

 Simple Test to See If Someone Should Be Remodeled

Question 1:  Is he a man?  Yes    No

Scoring: Give one point for every "Yes" answer.

Score: 0 = No remodeling necessary.

Score:1 = Definitely needs remodeling.

 THIS WON'T BE EASY

When males are first born, they are pretty simple to change: You just grab them by the ankles, lift, and pull off their diapers. (For a lot of men, gripping them in the pants is still the best way to capture their attention.) As they get older, they become more set in their ways. Ask a man to alter an aspect of his behavior and he'll most likely conclude there is something wrong with "you."

A clear illustration of this male attitude toward women who would change men is offered by the story of Adam and Eve. As men tell it, there was Adam, pretty happy in the Garden of Eden. His meals were provided as part of his rent, he probably took a lot of naps. Then what happens? Eve comes along and asks Adam to change. And with that, humans are kicked out of the garden and forced to commute to work. Moral of the story: Eve should have just kept quiet and let Adam be the way he was.

You can see why men keep telling this story over and over; it proves that if you try to remodel a man, you're going to get God really mad at you. This is an example of male logic, which is the process of making up your mind and then looking for facts to support your conclusion.

What men always seem to ignore is that until Eve arrived, Adam didn't even have his own apartment. He'd never tasted beer, and there was no place to get a decent hamburger. He slept in the dirt, and was so oblivious he didn't even realize he was naked. Even worse, he didn't seem to notice that Eve was naked, either.

That's just how men are: They don't seem to pay much attention to their surroundings. It takes a woman to point out that living conditions could be improved a little. For example, my cousin just bought a big screen television for his tiny apartment. The thing is so huge it blocks access to the bathroom. To get to the toilet, you have to squeeze through a narrow gap about six inches wide, which nobody bothers to do because his place is so close to the alley. His fiancee refuses to spend the night there, and one of these days it will dawn on my cousin why. Like Adam, he'll suddenly realize that if he ever wants to see a naked woman in his garden, he'll have to find a nicer place to live.

So yes, my cousin will be a Changed Man, at least when it comes to this one area. But it is wearying to suppose that every time you want your man to do something, you have to show him your, um, forbidden fruit. That's why this book is so valuable: There are other tactics you can use that don't always involve nudity.

It's not easy. In fact, it is very similar to what happens when you set out to remodel a house--though most people who have taken on the task of building an addition vow never to do it again, while most people who have attempted to change a man usually keep trying. Both processes are equally frustrating, though houses won't actively fight remodeling the way men do.

But that doesn't mean men can't change. I didn't want to change, either.

So if you think you're up to the challenge, the first step in remodeling your man is to tear down what's already in place. And to do that, you have to understand how he was raised.

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